The photo below was taken August 13, 2020. The smile you see is completely forced and false. I was deep into alcoholism and deep into mental illness. I had no quality of life, no self-worth and no hope. The very next day, August 14, 2020, I started the day as I would any other. With a drink in hand. I went through the motions as I normally would, working, drinking, parenting (as best I could), drinking, putting on a happy face, and drinking. By that evening, I was tired. Tired of it all. I decided to take matters into my own hands and poured countless amounts of alcohol down my throat as well as other substances including a bottle of my antidepressants. The rest is obviously pretty foggy from there. I woke up in ICU, not grateful to be alive, but annoyed with all of the questions I was being asked. “Was this intentional?” “Why did you feel this was necessary?” “Are you up for a psychological evaluation?” What I really wanted was to be left alone to go back to my big sleep.

The next day I was shipped off to treatment for mental health and substance abuse, again, annoyed, and this time, scared. I didn’t want to be there, didn’t feel like I belonged there and had no intentions of changing just because I was there. But that’s exactly what happened…change. I realized quickly just how much I DID belong there and how much I desperately needed and wanted a change. I went through daily group sessions, daily psychiatrist visits, and daily fellowship with people just like me who were struggling in their lives. When I reached the day where it was time to go home, I was even more scared. This place had given me a second chance at life, and I was afraid to get back into the real world where all my triggers were. But the best part was, I had now been given the tools to deal with those triggers. So life didn’t seem as meaningless or scary anymore. I’ve continued my growth, my counseling, my fellowship with like people and best of all, my sobriety. I can’t believe how much my life has changed for the better in a year. Today is my ONE YEAR sobriety date. My happiness and my smile are genuine these days. My drive to be better not only for myself, but for my family, is there, and I am able to appreciate life so much more. I say all of this not looking for any sympathy or pats on the back, but I know there are people out there who are where I used to be and still struggling. So I thought maybe, just maybe, by sharing my story that others out there who are in a dark place know that there IS hope.

There are better days ahead. There are people who love and support you and want nothing more but to see you succeed. So reach out, talk to people (me included), ask for help. You’d be amazed at how many willing individuals there are out there to offer support and walk you through this journey. I know I am forever grateful and thankful for those people in my life. If you’ve stuck around through this post, thank you. And even bigger thanks to those who have been that much-needed support system for me. You haven’t gone unnoticed, and you’ve helped make me a better person today.